Snigby Snippets
by MrMeatbag
Summary: The ups and downs in the relationship between our favourite Wolf and Princess. Feel free to inbox me story suggestions. (Cover image by Iorna-ka)
1. The Sniffles

**This is a request from '**_**I-am-A**_**' **

**Enjoy my brosephs and brosephines!**

* * *

After becoming Deputy Mayor, Snow White quickly learned that three traits were an absolute must in order to survive her new position. Determination, was necessary to even begin to tackle the mountain of work which figuratively piled up on her desk continually. A keen knack for management was another; after all, what good was a Deputy Mayor who couldn't prioritise? Finally and perhaps the most important of all: patience. Dealing with Fables on a daily basis whose chief concern wasn't the welfare of the entire community, but rather their own trivial inconveniences ranging from broken AC's to petty grudges, required a rather thick skin. Fortunately, patience had always been a virtue of hers, indeed very little could seriously get under Snow White's skin.

"ACHOOOO!"

_Today however…_

Bigby had sneezed, _rather violently_, for the hundredth time that day. When he first came in, she immediately noticed how horrible he looked with his skin deathly pale, his nose alarmingly red and his once vibrant eyes half lidded and lifeless. She told him as much, though in typical Bigby fashion, shrugged it off and grunted an: _'I'm fine, it's nothing_.' It certainly didn't look like nothing, but figuring he'd suffered far worse let it slide for the time being. Then the sneezing started. Followed by the incessant sniffling. Normally that would be tolerable… except when one takes into account Bigby's tendency to huff and puff…

_Three almost destroyed pieces of furniture later and she had decided enough is enough. _

"Bigby, have you got a cold?" She asked without looking up from the paperwork in front of her. Her cool, commanding voice seemed to shock Bigby from whatever he was doing.

A sniffle. "Snow I'm fine, nothing to worry about." She noticed how strange his voice sounded, likely a result of a blocked nose.

No way was she dealing with this. "Bigby you look and sound like crap, go home, get some rest."

"Snow…"

"I wasn't asking Bigby." And with that the matter was put to rest. Or so she thought…

He gave a little grunt and stormed out of the business office with what she thought was a defiant glint in his eye – and several documents and papers he was examining beforehand.

_He wasn't really going to take it easy was he?_

He'd likely just sulk in his own office for the rest of the day. Typical Bigby, looking after everyone except himself. She glanced at the paperwork in front of her and decided her concentration was worth for crap today anyway. With a sigh she stood up and decided she'd have a half day today.

* * *

A couple raps on the Sheriff's Office door prompted shuffling and a few quiet curses on the other side. Sure enough, when the door opened Bigby was met with the sight of a less than pleased Snow White wearing her traditional beige blazer and skirt, light blue blouse with white snowflakes, raven hair done up in a bun, arms crossed and a serious scowl if ever he saw one. His expression reminded her of a child whose hand was caught in the cookie jar.

_Busted. _

"Sheriff, what part of go home and get some rest did you not understand?"

He seemed lost for words for a moment, alternating between 'ummms' and 'hmmms'. It was actually quite endearing to see the 'Big Bad Wolf' fumbling with his words.

"Bigby, this is the last time I'm going to say it: go home, lie down, we can finish this up tomorrow."

He shut his eyes for a moment and seemed to mull it over.

Finally he opened them and looked more than a little sheepish. "I don't exactly have anything to lie down on."

That's right, he didn't have a bed or even a couch for that matter. She was no doctor, but she still figured it'd be better for him to lie down somewhere comfortable. A few seconds later she came up with an idea and promptly grabbed his hand with hers'.

"Right come on." She starting leading him down the hallway, causing a confused Bigby to sputter and stumble over himself quite comically.

"What? Where are we going?"

"My apartment."

"What? Why?" That got his attention.

They stopped in front of the elevator and she turned to face him.

"I've got a couch you can lie down in and I figure that the only way you'll actually do what I say is if I keep an eye on you." She had the faintest knowing grin gracing her face.

To say he was surprised would be a colossal understatement. "But I thought we were busy with-"

"It'll still be there tomorrow, besides I felt like taking the day off." She replied matter-of-factly.

He sighed in defeat. Once Snow put her mind to something there was no stopping her. Better to just resign himself to his fate, after all he could think of far worse things than being looked after by Snow.

* * *

After reaching her spacious apartment, she had wasted no time in practically shoving him down on her rather spacious couch, which judging by the texture was made from some mix of linen and cotton. She then proceeded to shower with woollen blankets, pillows and other items to make him more comfortable. He stopped questioning her rather odd behaviour a while ago. She seemed to calm down for a while before she pressed her very cool hand against his forehead.

"Jesus Bigby, you're burning up!" Her motherly concern melted his heart.

"Snow it's just a fever, not the plague. Nothing to worry about." He tried to reassure her.

It didn't work. "Like hell you are! Lie down!" She shoved him down into a lying position before running off to the kitchen and returning with a damp cloth.

He let out an uncontrollable shiver when her cool hands brushed against his forehead as she laid it across his forehead.

"Now, you are going to lie here and rest and God help you if you get up. Now, I'm going to go make you some soup and you better eat it."

"Thanks mum."

She playfully hit his shoulder. "Ass."

He just chuckled as she got up with a huff and walked to the kitchen.

He perhaps spent a little too long staring at her legs as they walked away.

"Oh and I'll be right here watching you, in case you feel like escaping."

He smiled.

* * *

True to her word, she never left his side, sitting in the chair next to the couch, offering him playful banter and pleasant company, interrupted only by the occasional sneeze. He had seen so little of this side to her ever since she became deputy mayor. It was refreshing for the both of them.

* * *

"What was she like?"

That seemed to baffle him. "Who?"

She shot him an inquisitive look. "Your mother."

That threw him for a loop. "What brought this on?"

"You called me Mum."

"I was only joking."

"I know, but it got me thinking. You've never talked much about it."

"No one really ever asked."

"Well, I'm asking now."

He nodded. "Yes you are."

Her brows furrowed in understanding. "If you don't want to talk about it…"

"No, no, it's just a bit of a touchy subject for me."

She gave him a sorrowful look. "Didn't you get along with her?"

He shook his head. "No it's just, a long story."

"I've got time."

He took a deep breath before continuing. "Her name was Winter and she was the best mother a pup could hope for, kind and caring. She loved us, my brothers and me, and we loved her." He looked away from her, a peaceful glint in his eye, which soon turned cold.

"My brothers though, used to pick on me a lot. They'd shove me around, bite at me, and mockingly called me the 'Big Bad Wolf." He recalled bitterly.

Her eyes lit up in understanding. "So that's how you got the name."

He nodded. "Yeah, that's how I got the name."

Her brows knitted together in scepticism for a moment. "Wait, why would they make fun of you like that?"

He gave a little chuckle and turned back to face her. "Would it shock you to learn that I was the runt of the litter?"

She laughed in astonishment. "You? The runt? I find that hard to believe."

"It's true. When they were making fun of me, guess they never expected that I'd get to the size I am now."

She nodded in agreement, her eyes filled with mirth.

He took that as his cue to continue. "My mother protected me from the worst of it though. I was happy. But she was always sad, even though she tried to hide it from us."

Answering her unspoken question he continued. "My father, the good for nothing piece of shit, left her when she was pregnant with us. Even after that she still loved him, not that I understood why. She was always sad, even though she tried to hide it. I hated him for it."

His eyes glistened with unshed tears, tears he had promised he'd never shed again on this matter. Blinking them back, he no longer cared that Snow saw him like this.

"She died when I was still a pup."

Snow took his hand in both of hers and he looked at her surprised by this gesture. She returned him a soft understanding smile. He turned away, staring at the ceiling again.

"When she died my brothers all went to look for our good for nothing father. But I couldn't just leave her there for scavengers." It was like he was trying to convince himself rather than her.

"So I stayed behind to guard her body. But I was so small…"

She gave his hand a squeeze.

"I couldn't do much. Afterwards I resolved to eat something bigger every day, until I was large enough to face the man who left my mother to die."

"Did you ever find him? Your father?"

"Yes."

"Did you..?"

He paused for a second before shaking his head. "No." He seemed disappointed.

Still, her eyes held no judgement. He felt himself get lost in those two blue oceans.

"I've… never told anyone else before."

She gave a small understanding smile. "I won't breathe a word of it to anyone."

He smiled as well. "I know you won't, I trust you Snow."

She still hadn't let go of his hand.

* * *

She woke up hours later still in her chair and one glance to her left revealed why. Lying on his back, wrapped in several blankets was Bigby. He looked almost peaceful, snoring softly, bringing a smile to her face. Though it was dark, she noticed how his still pale face would scrunch up slightly ever so often and he'd mutter something incoherent, clearly lost in whatever dream he was in. She smiled at how much he reminded her of an overgrown puppy sometimes. Not that she'd ever tell him that, least she damage his manhood.

Her thoughts drifted back to their earlier conversation about his mother. She had never seen this side of him before, so emotionally vulnerable. She was touched beyond measure that he would willingly open up to her about everything; in fact he seemed glad to let everything out as well. She guessed there was only so much you could repress before it began to eat away at you. That was something she could relate to.

Every time Bigby's name was mentioned, all that anyone thought about was a giant beast who held no remorse, and no love for anyone. She knew better, especially after what he had told her earlier, after she had seen the sadness in his eyes. Would a monster love his mother as much as Bigby loved his? They didn't know Bigby like she did. He had made mistakes, they all had, but he deserved a second chance more than anyone.

He wasn't a monster. She didn't think he ever was.

Despite herself, she couldn't help but lean over him and run a hand through his hair.

She pressed her lips to his forehead.

"Goodnight Bigby. Get well soon." She whispered.

**Hope this one was ok, by all means feel free to inbox me with any story suggestions you'd like to see. **


	2. A New Sheriff in Town

If there was one thing that he didn't like about living with other Fables for the first time, it was all the damn rules. There were the obvious ones, such as no killing and no stealing. Those he could understand, no functional society could exist without them and with only a rather small community it was necessary that residents not be at each other's throats. Then there were all the pesky, little rules. No loitering, no lollygagging, no standing on the grass. Then if you ever wanted to do something constructive you'd have to wait in bloody lines for hours on end and scrape through mountains of damn paperwork. In all honesty he wasn't sure he could scratch his own ass without someone's seal of approval.

Life had gotten rather complicated for him rather quick.

His mind grew foggy and the sights and smells of everyday town-life, carriages and people moving to and fro, small boys trying to sell newspapers, horse manure on the roads, it all simply became too much. He reached into his back pocket and retrieved a cigar, running it just underneath his very sensitive nose.

_Ahhhh, Cuban. _

Lighting a match which he also carried on him, he promptly lit it before sticking it into his mouth and the delicious taste of tobacco filled his mouth. The fog in his mind cleared, and he found he could breathe more easily. His little sinful habit had quickly arisen out of necessity. It'd seem town life didn't agree with his heightened senses, causing a sort of 'sensory overload'. With the rate this town was growing, he figured he'd need to find a more abundant replacement. Cigars aren't cheap you know. He took a look around the rather filthy and crowded streets of New York, previously known as New Amsterdam just a few decades prior. It seemed the British had taken control of the town, and decided to rename it.

Not that he cared much for Mundy political struggles.

Why would he? For as long as he could remember he had been his own wolf. That had been a time when lines and rules counted for nothing. It was just him, the woods and whatever he could find to quench his hunger. Life was simple then for the Big Bad Wolf. Life was good.

_The Big Bad Wolf. _

For most of his life that has been his name. He had been a legend.

Nowadays he went by… Sheriff, three weeks and counting.

A bit of a downgrade if he did say so himself.

_Sheriff. Sheriff Wolf? Sheriff Bigby?_

No, no matter how he said it, it still didn't sound right to him. Then again having fingers didn't feel right. Nor did walking on two legs.

_How the hells do humans keep their balance? _

But being the sole law enforcement of the fledging Fabletown had to take the cake.

"Mr Wolf, is something troubling you?"

The question was voiced by the woman he happened to be accompanying down the street. Ms Snow White, assistant to the deputy something or rather, in all honesty he didn't care much for titles. Most high born lords and ladies rubbed him the wrong way, by their superior attitudes and even their mannerisms. This woman on the other hand…

He took a good look at her.

She held a certain degree of grace and dignity about her that was for sure. Her raven hair which framed her face ran down halfway her back. Serious blue eyes, in which he could find not a trace of malice, a cute button nose, high cheek bones and a gentle, yet somehow serious round face. In a simple yet elegant blue dress which complimented her pale skin, and a simple beige coat with what he assumed to be fur lining the edges, she struck the perfect balance between sophisticated and professional with… pretty.

Now that's a word he didn't count on saying.

_He was staring, better to say something. _

"It's just… so different. One minute I'm in the woods, minding my own business, next minute I'm…"

He gestured to himself, not yet possessing the words to describe his situation fancifully.

She nodded understandingly. "I understand, a lot has been asked of you and I'm grateful to you for your commitment so far."

Well, a thank you was the last thing he'd expect from anyone. This woman piqued his interest that was certain. She also made good company. Besides the fact she smelled nice.

"Want to know the worst of it?"

She gave a little shrug. "My damn tail's gone! How am I supposed to stay upright?"

The pure look of mortification on his usually serious face seemed to amuse her, to which she responded with a scoff while shaking her head and looking away.

He was glad she knew it was a jest. He could only join her mirth.

"Yeah, well…" What was the etiquette for conversations such as these?

"How are the others treating you? Any warming up to you so far?"

Ah. Now that wasn't a pleasant train of thought. Other Fables as a rule wished to have nothing to do with him. He could hardly blame them; after all he might have already eaten half of their relatives. Still would it kill them to at least pretend to be civil? It wasn't as if his interactions with them were lengthy. Besides, wasn't the pitch for Fabletown that everyone got a second chance?

"Not… particularly." That bald bastard was the worst of the lot.

She frowned slightly.

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"I don't exactly blame them. I haven't been the nicest character in the past." He replied with a shrug.

She held her ground nevertheless. "Still, we're all supposed to get a second chance and I know you've been trying very hard."

"Well… thanks." Damn it, conversation still wasn't his strong suit.

"I know that you've been through a lot already, but you've already done some good for this community."

He scoffed. "What broken up a couple of bar fights? Not that anyone would thank me for it. Or hell, even look me in the eye."

"It's something, and believe me I know what it's like when people talk behind your back. You shouldn't worry about them."

"I _don't _care what _they _think. I care what _you_ think."

She came to an abrupt halt at that and her eyebrows raised in what he assumed to be shock.

"I didn't realise you thought so highly of me."

He had stopped to face her as well. "You're the only one worth respecting." He was only telling the truth. She was the only one he could see working to improve anything in this hole of a town.

Her face seemed to light up as she flashed a small but meaningful smile. With that they continued their walk.

So maybe being Sheriff did have some perks.

* * *

**Once again, feel free to shoot me story suggestions!**


	3. Live Show

Bigby Wolf was what some people could call a resourceful man. He may come off as a brutish thug at times, but behind his rough exterior was a keen analytical mind. In fact it was that which made him such an excellent detective. So when faced with the conundrum such as this, a man like Bigby is able to examine the situation, weigh his options and from that take the most suitable course of action. However this issue required much more preparation and care of thought than anything he had ever attempted before.

The question was: _Where to take Snow White on a date?_

His budding relationship with Snow had gone off without a hitch so far, something he was immensely grateful for. Over the past couple of months the pair had shared more than a few coffees, lunches and even a couple of dinners. Nothing overly romantic, which was perhaps what made them feel much more comfortable in the others company. They both new the emotion was there, it was just that neither one was quite ready to bring it to the forefront yet. Still he wanted more, he couldn't help it, but at the same time he didn't want to pressure Snow into anything she wasn't ready for yet. So he realised that he just needed to do something that would help them both loosen up a bit… something besides a bottle of Jack Daniels.

Which brings us back to the question – Where could he take Snow, or what could he do with Snow that would help the pair relax just a little more in the other's company? His answer had come in the paper just a couple of weeks prior in the paper, an ad for an upcoming show at the City Centre. But not just any show, no siree! Somehow, he knew that this would be perfect.

He glanced down at his attire, just his regular white button up shirt and pants, though tonight he tried to appear a little bit more presentable, doing his tie all the way up, wearing a nice dark green jacket that he kept lying around. He also made an effort to comb his hair nicely, giving him a more civilised, formal look. He tried shaving as well, but alas his stubble had returned on the elevator trip up. Perks of being a wolf he guessed.

Exhaling and fiddling with his tie, he knocked on Snow White's door. He heard her call out to him to wait a moment and he started to panic a small amount.

_What if she didn't enjoy herself? _

Well it was much too late for that as the door opened to reveal a beaming Snow White, wearing an elegant dark blue dress which cut off just above her knees, matching high heels and a fur trimmed navy coat. Her ever present pearl earrings sparkled in the dim light, but what struck Bigby most of all was how her hair was hanging freely down her shoulders and back, he hadn't seen it like that in years.

"Hey Bigby." She leaned over and greeted him with a chaste peck to his lips.

He beamed back at her. "Hey Snow, you ready to go?"

"Mmhmm. So plan to tell me where we're going?"

"All in due time." He smirked mischievously.

She shot him a look, though the faintest hints of a smile threatened to appear. "All right big guy, lead on." She said almost hesitantly, but was nevertheless intrigued.

Before long he had led her outside and helped her into a cab, before hopping in himself. Just like that they were off and for the next half hour they just enjoyed the other's company. Though the inquisitive glances that Snow was shooting him the entire trip did succeed in making him extremely nervous, which she seemed to notice by his deeper breaths. She smirked and leaned her head on his shoulder, which eased his state of mind considerably.

* * *

Soon, they arrived at their destination, and after paying the cab driver his fare, the pair stood before their destination. The New York City Centre, with tonight's showcase lit up on giant letters.

"Monty Python?" Snow asked gobsmacked.

"Uh, yeah. I hear they're pretty funny..." He rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

She shot him a look. "Yes I'm familiar of them; I just didn't know you had such a strong sense of humour."

"Yeah, well…"

Maybe she wouldn't enjoy it after all…

"You don't like it?" He asked, sounding completely defeated.

She looked back at him and shook her head. "I wouldn't say that, I just wasn't expecting it."

"Oh." He wasn't quite sure where to go from here.

Luckily she seemed to decide for him and snaked her arm through his and led him onward, offering a small reassuring smile. Relief washed over him and after showing his tickets to the teller, they were seen greeted by the eminent murmurings and talking of a pre-show crowd. The hall was dimly lit and the dark red of the stage curtains seemed to be the only source of colour in the room. Row after row of seats could be seen, surrounding the stage in a semicircular pattern.

"So what brought this on?" Snow finally asked as they sat in their seats, close to the edge of one of the centre isles closer to the stage.

He scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. "I dunno, guess I just wanted to surprise you with something a little different and I guess I thought we could both do with a laugh. Especially after all the shit we went through."

"Well, count me surprised." She beamed.

She glanced around nervously. "So, how's everything, you know, with your nose?" She asked nonchalantly, well aware of the Mundies all around them.

He waved off her concern. "I'll be right, smoked a pack before we got here, so I should be right to get through the show. Besides, I can step out every so often if I have to." He gave a reassuring smile that seemed to placate her.

Before their conversation could continue the curtains opened and 'Liberty Bell' blared throughout the theatre as various members of the cast pranced across the stage in a very comical matter. He thought he could see John Cleese, Michael Palin and Eric Idle among them, fortunately the seats he had chosen gave a rather good view of the stage. He almost hadn't notice how Snow's hand had somehow become entwined with his over the arm rest.

* * *

The intermission slide had popped up on the overhead projector and everyone in the crowd seemed to take this as their cue to take quick bathroom breaks, or go to purchase drinks. He asked Snow if she wanted anything, and she politely thanked him but said no. After they both stood and stretched their limbs again, they sat down, completely comfortable with where they were. She seemed to be enjoying herself he noticed, as her face was now permanently contorted into a grin which reached her eyes. It was nice to see her let her hair down. He himself was grinning, both at the performance, at her. He was rather pleased with how the night had progressed so far.

"_**ALBATROS!"**_

That loud call snapped them out of whatever zone they were in, as one of the spotlights shone directly next to them.

_Oh God!_

Neither could barely stifle their laughter as what appeared to be John Cleese, poorly dressed as a female vendor prancing down besides the aisles with a grumpy expression on his face and what appeared to be a plastic albatross on a tray he held in front of him.

"_**ALBATROS!" **_He called again, earning roaring laughter from all around him, himself and Snow included. He swore he'd never seen something so absurd. For a moment he wasn't sure if it was a sketch or not.

"_**Yes, do you have any peanuts my good man?" **_Terry Jones had approached him, wearing a rather gentlemanly suit, complete with hat and monocle.

"_**No I don't have any damned peanuts!"**_

"_**ALBATROS!" **_He shouted again, much more angrily this time, ignoring Jones and continuing down the aisle.

"_**Are you sure?" **_

"_**YES I'M BLOODY SURE!" **_

"_**Alright, well what flavour is it?"**_

"_**WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT BLOODY FLAVOUR IT IS, IT ISN'T ANY BLOODY FLAVOUR!"**_

"_**Well it must be some flavour!" **_Jones argued.

"_**FINE IT'S BLOODY ALBATROS FLAVOUR! SEABIRD, FLYING RODENT, WHATEVER YOU WANT YOU FUCKING CRETIN!" **_Everyone seemed to love that, as the crowd broke into greater fits of laughter.

He had to admit, no one played the angry guy like John Cleese did, and he wouldn't be surprised if he could outshout Bigby himself in a match! Snow seemed to agree as well, when he shared this thought with her, earning another chuckle from her beautiful lips.

"_**Stop that, stop that!"**_ That cry had come, un-expectantly from the stage. Graham Chapman now appeared to be wearing an officer's uniform and stood on stage pointing to the two other actors.

Well this was unexpected.

"_**Right you, the one in Black, we need you for another skit, and you, go away, you're not even a proper woman!"**_

No he wasn't Bigby supposed. But needless to say, the same roaring laughter accompanied that statement. This was much more fun than he thought it'd be. With the way Snow had started clinging to him in a vain attempt to gain control of herself, he'd guess she agreed.

"_**Don't you oppress me mate!" **_Cleese had ground out before storming off with a fake huff.

"_**Off with you! Now, not many people enjoy a good laugh as well as I do. Except my wife. And her and Captain Johnson. Come to think of it most people tend to enjoy a good laugh more than I do, nevertheless, believe that this whole skit has become much too silly!" **_

Finally Snow had managed to stifle her laughter into incoherent giggles, they exchanged a loving look before Snow rested her head on his shoulder, still giggling herself silly.

* * *

"_**G'day ladies and Bruces!"**_Idle had greeted from stage.

_So they were doing Australians now? They just got stranger and stranger. _

Sure enough they were all wearing khaki shorts and shirts, himself Palin, and another actor he hadn't quite recognised.

"_**We're all university professors from the university of Woolloomooloo Australia!"**_

_Wolloo- what? That couldn't be an actual place._

"_**I teach Hegelian Philosophy, Bruce here reaches Aristotelian Philosophy and Bruce here's in charge of the sheep dip." **_Idle had said, gesturing to each one of them.

Bigby was sure that somewhere in this performance something was offensive, but hell the audience were laughing too much to care. Snow herself seemed to be enjoying herself, with a mirthful grin on her face.

"_**Bloody thirsty work let me tell you!"**_

"_**No doubt Bruce, tell ya what, why don't you toss a few cans to this lot 'ere!" **_

Sure enough, he reached into the cooler they had on stage and started tossing beers out to the crowd, much tp the latter's pleasure. He had to hand it to them, they certainly knew how to play a crowd. Soon enough, he saw a can fly his way, and deciding that this saved him a trip to the kiosk, reached up and caught the can with a dull smack to his palm. He normally wasn't one for showing off but hey, free beer.

"_**The reason we do this is because we find your American Beer is like making love in a canoe!"**_

"_**How's it like making love in a canoe Bruce?"**_

"_**It's fucking close to water!"**_

Oh God, he almost choked on his drink and after swallowing, his laughter was drowned out by those of all around him. What surprised him though was how Snow had scoffed at that, bringer her hand to her mouth. He hadn't expected that from the normally so prime and proper Snow White, to laugh at something so vulgar!

"_**Well, we thought we'd raise the turn over here by playing a nice intellectual song for the two or three of you in the audience who actually understand these things, so off we go!"**_

Bigby braced himself for what he (rightly) assumed to be another barrel of laughs.

"_**Immanuel Kant was a real pissant**_

_**Who was very rarely stable.**_

_**Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar**_

_**Who could think you under the table.**_

_**David Hume could out-consume**_

_**Schopenhauer and Hegel,**_

_**And Wittgenstein was a beery swine**_

_**Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel.**_

Bigby wasn't sure how these people thought this shit up, but by God they were funny. Snow had once again resumed clinging to his arm, giggling into his shoulder.

Guess he earned some brownie points.

_**There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya'**_

_**'Bout the raising of the wrist.**_

_**SOCRATES, HIMSELF, WAS PERMANENTLY PISSED...**_

Intellectual indeed, oh he could imagine how Swineheart would react to this.

_**John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,**_

_**On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.**_

_**Plato, they say, could stick it away;**_

_**Half a crate of whiskey every day.**_

_**Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle,**_

_**Hobbes was fond of his dram,**_

_**And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart: "I drink, therefore I am"**_

_**Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed;**_

_**A lovely little thinker but a bugger when he's pissed!"**_

He and Snow applauded with the rest of the audience, happily laughing along with the rest of the fools in the room. They only increased when the song was played again in a deliberately botched attempt at a sing along.

* * *

Now on stage was Palin on stage wearing a suit and sitting behind a desk reading out a weather report. Though rather quickly, and to everyone's relief and amusement,

"_**I don't want to rabbit on about patches of rain sweeping from the west!**_

_**I... I wanted to be..."**_

"_**A LUMBERJACK!"**_

_Oh dear God._

By now he had shed his suit in favour of overalls and a green flannel shirt and some blonde haired actress appeared on his arm.

Did they actually plan this or do they just improvise?

"_**Leaping from tree to tree! As they float down the mighty rivers of**_

_**British Columbia! **_

_**The Larch!**_

_**The Pine!**_

_**The Giant Redwood tree!**_

_**The Sequoia!**_

_**The Little Whopping Rule Tree!**_

_**With my best girlie by my side,**_

_**We'd sing! Sing! Sing!**_

He couldn't help but feel a bit nostalgic, with all the names of trees being thrown about. It actually made him feel like a pup again…

_**Oh, I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay,**_

_**I sleep all night and I work all day.**_

Canadian Outies seemed to appear out of nowhere to the left, singing a response. They could actually hold a note rather well… Snow seemed to enjoy that anyhow.

_**He's a lumberjack, and he's okay,**_

_**He sleeps all night and he works all day.**_

"_**I cut down trees, I eat my lunch,**_

_**I go to the lava-try.**_

_**On Wednesdays I go shoppin'**_

_**And have buttered scones for tea."**_

"_**He cuts down trees, he eats his lunch,**_

_**He goes to the lava-try.**_

_**On Wednesdays 'e goes shoppin'**_

_**And has buttered scones for tea."**_

He couldn't help but tap his foot to the beat. He was having too much fun with this…

"_**I cut down trees, I skip and jump,**_

_**I like to press wild flowers.**_

_**I put on women's clothing,**_

_**And hang around in bars!"**_

Wait what?

"_**He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps,**_

_**He likes to press wild flowers.**_

_**He puts on women's clothing**_

_**And hangs around... In bars?"**_

The outies seemed to agree with him and the audience just loved it.

"_**I chop down trees, I wear high heels,**_

_**Suspenders and a bra.**_

_**I wish I'd been a girlie**_

_**Just like my dear papa!"**_

Oh Christ, he couldn't bear anymore of this, he was so close to laughing up a lung! Snow too!

"_**He cuts down trees, he wears high heels**_

_**Suspenders? and a ... a Bra?**_

_**What's this? Wants to be a "girlie"? Oh, My!**_

_**And I thought you were so rugged!" **_The girl had cried before running off.

"_**He's a lumberjack, and he's okaaaaaaayyy..." **_

They just kept going with that pedal…

"_**Sleeps all night and he works all day!" **_

And with that, yet another painfully amusing skit was brought to a close. He felt his sides aching with all the heaving he had been doing earlier.

_Ok these guys were very good, after all it took a lot to make the Big Bad Wolf burst into uncontrollable laughter._

He glanced to his right.

_Ok, they were **extremely** good, after all, it took **much more** to make **Snow White** burst out into uncontrollable laughter. _

* * *

Finally the show had come to a regrettable close and with a chuckling Snow still clinging tightly too him, they made their way outside and he signalled a cab.

"I can't remember the last time I had laughed so hard!" Snow had declared .

The two had been alternating between chuckling and giggling like schoolgirls ever since they had walked out of the theatre. He now had his arm around her shoulder, and rather than shy away from his embrace, she leaned further into him.

"I could see that."

She gave him a long pointed look, her face scrunched up in mock thought.

"You know, you look a bit like a lumberjack."

So that's how she's playing it. "Oh really? You think I'm manly and rugged?"

"Mmmm. Except…"

"Except what?"

She bit her lip and adopted a playful, not-so-serious concerned expression. "You don't put on women's clothing do you?"

"Not when I'm sober."

She burst out laughing at that, clinging on to him so tightly, he was afraid she'd suffocate him! What a way to go too…

* * *

The morning afterwards, Snow had to face the horrors of an appointment with Bluebeard. He was complaining about what he described as '_going behind his back and keeping him out of the loop of the running of the office_.'_  
_

Of course when she calmly pointed out that she was under no obligation to inform him of absolutely every goings on inside the office and that he himself had involved the office in exchanges and endeavours without informing her or he sputtered and denied all his wrongdoings and once again deflected all blame elsewhere.

Bigby, right next to her, shot her an apologetic look, though she could tell he'd much prefer to just punch Bluebeard's face in, if the clenching of his fists and the hardening of his jaw every few seconds was anything to go by. She had half a mind to let him…

"I came here to raise my legitimate concerns with you! I wasn't expecting the blasted Spanish Inquisition!"

"_Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition_." Bigby mumbled to her as he slipped away nonchalantly.

Snow White had a lot of trouble keeping a straight face after that.

* * *

**Why you ask? Because everyone loves Monty Python! **

**Ah, growing up, I used to love Monty Python's Flying Circus! Even their films: Holy Grail, Life of Brian, you name it! Other stuff they did cracked me up as well, I absolutely adore Fawlty Towers! Anyway, if you were wondering why I chose this as a topic of focus. By all means, check out some of their skits, plenty more where that came from!**

**Oh and yes, Woolloomooloo is an actual place, that was not made up. **


	4. Reunited

"_How can every one of you ruffians suddenly become shy all of a sudden? You've all seen his pictures and read his letters. Come and meet your father."_

For a certain reformed Big Bad Wolf, this event had been five years in the making. Five horrible years of loneliness, five horrible years of absence, five horrible years of having a void where his heart should have been.

Five horrible years of not being with his cubs, his own children, save Ghost.

But now, as if all his prayers had finally been answered by whatever merciful God there was, here they were, not five feet away from him. His children, his cubs. His precious baby boys and his sweet little girls.

The gentle summer breeze brushed gently against him, swaying blades of green grass below him and the branches and leaves of the oaken trees in the near distance as it kissed his cheek and those of Snow, her sister Rose (who now had a great big grin) and of course the young cubs.

It wasn't deathly silent, but he could hear his own heart, beating wildly in his chest, excited not only by the sight of his children, but of their scent as well. Like Snow's the aroma of his children were logged in the deepest parts of his memory, impossible for him to forget for even the slightest moment. They each had their own distinctive scent: Darian, Ambrose, Conner, Therese, Blossom and Winter. Even though he hadn't seen them since their birth he recognised every one of them clear as day, their truffles of blonde, brown, red and raven hair, their pale skin – like their mother, and various other features inherited from both him and their mother. Their mother who now stood in front of them encouraging them to step forward to meet him, their father.

His heart sank a little.

Of course they were shy, they wouldn't remember him they were too young, and here now he was, just another stranger, some odd guy who claimed to be their father.

Despite coaxing from their mother, they were still too shy to step forward from the van they were up against and he was too scared to step towards them, lest he scare them off. No matter how non-menacing he desperately wanted to be right now, he was afraid that his gruff appearance would always send that vibe.

But then an amazing thing happened. His eldest child took a step towards him. Then another and another. Her raven hair, just like her mothers' glittered in the sunlight, though it was done up into two little pig tales. She was a little chubby, but adorably so and his heart melted at the sight of her bravely approaching him, with her thumb still in her mouth.

He knelt down to her level and reached an arm out to her cautiously; afraid she would suddenly vanish into thin air if he touched her. Everything else didn't matter now; all he could register was his daughter stepping closer towards him, slowly but surely. She stopped in front of it and glanced nervously to his outstretched hand and glanced back to her mother, who made a 'go on' gesture with her hands. She placed her little hand on his and leaning towards it, sniffed it a couple of times.

The smile on his face grew wider as realisation overtook him – she was smelling him, trying to see if she remembered his scent.

_She was her father's daughter. _

She looked up at him and took another cautious step forward as his arm dropped slightly. She leaned closer to his face, and with the fiercest determination of a four year old, sniffed just in front of his mouth. Waiting with baited breath, he saw an inquisitive expression overtake her.

She sniffed a couple more times and recognition lit her features, her eyes widened and a huge smile overtook her.

_She remembers me! She remembers me!_

"Daddy!" She called out with her sweet little voice.

She leapt into his waiting arms, wrapping her own around his neck so tightly and burrowing her chin on his shoulder, giggling and crying all at once. He could do little else than sob and laugh with her, peppering her adorable little cheek with fatherly kisses and enveloping her with his big arms.

Sure enough, the other cubs ran up to him as well, and soon enough he was wrapped around six adorable cubs. The quiet of before was now replaced with numerous "Daddy's" and laughter and happy sobs and it was absolute music to his ears.

He showered each of them the same treatment he had spoiled Winter with, pressing loving kisses to their cheeks and foreheads and almost smothering them with the mother of all bear hugs whilst they gleefully did the same to him.

He glanced up at snow who stood before them next to Rose, with the biggest heart-warming smile he had ever seen her wear. He hastily whispered something to Winter, who nodded eagerly at his proposal.

Breaking free of the mass of father and children, she ran over to her mother and eagerly grabbed her by the hands before turning back to the group hug, a surprised Snow stumbling along after her.

He too broke free and standing up caught Snow in his arms, wrapping them around her slim waist, all the while the little hellions grabbing at their shins, still desperate for their attention. She laughed in merriment along with them and Bigby swept in for a long loving kiss. She responded in kind and curled her arms around his neck, prompting several _'ewws'_ and _'gross's'. _They soon broke their loving embrace and their attention now turned back in full to their children, their family and they kneeled once more to fully embrace them.

Come what may, they _were_ a family now, and God help whoever tried to ever drag him from his children ever again.

* * *

_**Soooo, I'm just gonna pretend issues 114-121 of Fables never happened… we all good with that? Ya know living in my own reality where nothing ever goes wrong and the good guys actually get a happily ever after? Excellent, glad we're in agreement!**_


End file.
